On being a writer.

Guest post by Edyta Niewinska, a writer, scriptwriter, editor and a director.

Bringing a dream to life is a formidable task, one that is rarely accomplished alone. When I hear the dismissive phrase, 'She had it easy; she just wrote a few books', it stirs a deep sense of injustice. The 'just' and 'easy' fail to capture the countless hours of toil, the sleepless nights, and the overwhelming stress that often manifest as physical pain and indescribable anxiety. 

There were also unpopular decisions to be made along the way—choose this, but give up something else? There were many challenging questions to ask and answer: "Do I have time and space for this in my life now? Do I have the right to make my dreams come true at all? Should I not take care of my job/children/husband/sick parent/meeting the needs of others during this time? Is this not what I am supposed to do?"

I am supposed to be fully myself. And this includes my creativity, making time for passion, doing what I like, or choosing to do nothing. 

I work with women who want to find time and space for creativity without the constant burden of guilt. In our culture, this is not so obvious. Take a look at these comments: "You are an unfulfilled writer,"" Focus on your job because you will not be able to feed your family with writing," and "You are selfish. You only think about yourself." I also often hear this saying: "You are like an artist from a burnt theatre." 

This burnt theatre is the theatre of our dreams and passions. According to the world around us, it is only a delusion. How often have we heard or thought, "Who are we to achieve artistic success?" How often have others given us well-meaning comments to give us a sense of perspective: "Do you have a talent like Olga Tokarczuk? Do you write like Virginia Woolf? Do you inspire others, just like Sylvia Plath? Who are you in comparison to them? Think about it and get back on earth."

We need creativity to develop as human beings. It feeds our souls, drives our development, and makes us perceive the world and people differently. Creativity is our integral "I," which we are born with as children. 

As children, we sing, draw, and write. But a few years later, we are told to abandon our creativity and find a decent job. So what are we to do?

We abandon our dreams and push our creativity into a dusty corner.

We devote our time and focus on practical activities needed by society.

I believe that creativity will save the world. Thanks to its power, we are better humans, linked through inspiration, shared understanding, and the dialogue it sparks. I believe in women who boldly decide, "I will write / paint / sing. I will return to my passion, I will make my dreams come true." 

I am honoured to work with such women and enter the path of creativity with them. I sometimes join them full of fear, concerns, conflicting social beliefs, and lack of support and understanding. Women tell me, "My husband doesn't even know I wrote a book. He thinks I can't write." What do I say to these women? 

Trust yourself and your writing intuition. Invest in yourself and your dreams. This is your life!

I teach women how to write better. I see their creative potential and bring it to light. I help them improve their skills, and we can see the effects together. These women start to believe that, yes, they can write. They publish books (in publishing houses and on their own) and write stories for literary magazines and anthologies. They join prestigious literary festivals. They share their writing proudly. 

My heart grows when I see it. This is what it means to be fully yourself. 

It's not easy to do it alone, but together, we have tremendous power to support, be kind, understand and share the same ups and downs. I was a beginning writer, too. For years, I felt I no longer had the strength to write, and no one was around me to support me, even with a kind word. There were times when I gave up my dreams for years. I felt empty inside then. I still remember that feeling to this day. It was difficult for me because I was "an artist from a burnt theatre". Yes, these are the words I often heard from my father - he often contemptuously spoke about women with unfulfilled dreams. I dreamt of being an artist but wanted to play in a completely different theatre. 

I was successful because I was consistently acting as if I were a real writer.

I was faking it... until I made it.

Today, I have three published novels and am an active screenwriter. I am a juror of Spanish film festivals, a literary consultant and a reviewer. I do what I love and make my dreams come true. Every day, I remember how much it cost me. But I have no regrets because I no longer feel this terrifying emptiness. Only sometimes, when my students meet, comfort and support each other, I sigh softly, "I would like to have such an opportunity twenty years ago".

If that were the case today, I would have had more dreams come true.

And you - more good books to read and movies to watch.